I’m only at peace when I’m completely by myself, when every day repeats itself exactly the same, when I have nothing to expect and nothing to lose. I thought I had such a peaceful mind. Well It’s just not tested.
Recently I have gained things, and am on the way to more things. I expect good outcomes to occur. I fear the things I already have will eventually fade away. When I had nothing, I was so much at peace. Occasionally some desires slipped out, I’d just daydream a little, perhaps do some planning, and then go back to my mental cave. Before the real thing happens nothing scares me.
Owning things is scarier than owning nothing. I feel so disturbed. My mind is in chaos right now.
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